Cause I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet.

Hello Bloggers, another morning blog.

I believe I am in a confused state again, and no I haven't been drinking, that was on Saturday. I drank a bit too much that night, as per usual. I really should have kept a clear head, then perhaps I would not have awoken with bruises and marks, with which my manager has such a sadistic thrill to point out, and give sly digs through my shift. What a cunt. I really should not be saying that word, not such a nice one. But alas, I cannot stop saying it. And maybe also I would know what the fuck is going on in this head of mine.



I do not remember this photo being taken, I did not think I was that bad. Apparently so. But don't I look a happy person.


Can a person go from being really positive, to thinking that her past is repeating itself, bringing slightly negative and not caring thoughts into their head. I think this is happening to me, and I am unsure why. I feel like just generally saying 'fuck it' to everything and everyone. Yes, I had plan to keep positive thoughts going, but I constantly keep feeling like I am fucking everything.

This is not healthy. I need to go away for a while I think perhaps.

Positive thinking attempt.

Early morning blogging, yet again. I had the urge to write, so I must fulfill this urge. It is needed.

So today, well technically yesterday, I woke up with a smile upon my face. This was sort of new to me, many questioned my sanity when I told them this. Have I really been giving fake smiles for a long time? Fake smiles. Fake happiness. Aren't we all involved in this sick little game? I will admit, this true smile scared me slightly, I thought perhaps I was still alcohol induced, but alas I was not, I was not that drunk the previous night.

My saturday night, well, was a spontaneous night. Last minute thing so to speak, actually looking quite a mess for a night up town, but I did not care. Though this was a last minute event, it was one of the best nights I have had for a while, and met some pretty amazing people I will admit.





I believe these are real smiles. I think?

Playing safe is for the dead.

I always do find myself blogging at stupid times in the morning. This time twenty-four hours ago I was projecting vomit into my toilet due to alcohol being drunk with an empty stomach. Oh the taste of vodka and sambuca, oh how it burns when being vomited out. I also decided to quit smoking. I have gone twenty-four hours without one. My emotions are slightly sadistic, and I am overreacting with the simple things, but I believe I am doing well.

I've also decided that I must create a list of ten things I must do before I go university. Here is my slight attempt to do this.

1. Continue this no smoking attempt, as I wish to consume more alcohol in university.
2. Get myself some more sex, a fuck buddy, not a complicated mess.
3. Have somewhat of a lesbian fling, to know whether I prefer the cock.
4. Read a lot more literacture.
5. Attempt to drink at least once a week to prepare myself for university.
6. Must not fall for writers, when they are screwed up messes.
7. Should not compare all the male species to previous twats.
8. Must keep up acts of randomness.
9. Drop a dress size, or two.
10. Try not and not kill myself by any addictions.



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Hello random act in rain. Number 8 I think may be a keeper.



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Many people say we look alike. This does not amuse us.

Robbed her of her infinite smile.

Another late blog, or is it an early one? I had an sudden urge to write, with many other urges, but this seems to be the only urge I am able to release. I wish the urge to drink, I wish the urge to smoke, I wish the urge to have sex. I can do another one of these urges in moment, in which I plan to give up next week. I must stick to this, or I will be a complete failure. Wait a moment, I am already a failure.

A thought appeared within my fucked up mind tonight, while discussing the lateness of periods and pregnancy with a fellow person. It came to our minds that we did not wish to go university, but to become high class 'hoes', a term I called us, as the money seems very appealing. So yes it will consist of fucking the odd disgusting person, but hey, some good money at the end of the day. Dirty whore. I should not be thinking or discussing this as a possible career choice, but it is oh so tempting.

I believe me and Him are officially over now. Another person on the scene, yet we should still stay the 'good friends' we are. Excuse me twat? We were not friends in the first place. I do not think you was aware of the emotions and feelings involve. How can he miss me one minute, and be with someone else the next. Vous putain petit homme. I must stop typing in French.

I viewed a teacher of mine today, looked towards his face and thought, I would.