I need help.

I admit it, I need help.

I have the most perfect, lovely guy tell me he loves me yet I push him away resulting in him bringing up past history. I can't pretend I'm happy to people any more, I can't do it.

shit.

I'm currently feel nothing yet my former self sinking back in. I know this perhaps is not a good thing but at least I feel no emotions. Emotions just hurt you and the people around you and I don't wish to get into any emotional messes again.

Even my mother has noticed the old me is coming back since she found me in the morning in bed with a guy. Seriously this shit is fucked.

Sex.Drugs.Alcohol.
Yes they numb me out but sometimes distant memories come back, making me wish I could back to them.

I want 14th October 2010 again please.