baked.

so i decide to write a blog whilst very stoned, i do not know why o.O
well i must admit i am feeling more my old self, have been for quite a while, even if i have just been screwed over again, winz for me.
but fuck it shit, happens and i couldn't really give a damn any more. people may call me a heartless motherfucker, whilst i say it saves feelings getting hurt.

so yeah, first year of uni is nearly over, sweet. i kinda just wanna forget about my first year, it changed me from who i was, made me gather emotions which i didn't want and turned me into some little clam o.O so hopefully second year shall be better, and bring along some lovely shit.

I need help.

I admit it, I need help.

I have the most perfect, lovely guy tell me he loves me yet I push him away resulting in him bringing up past history. I can't pretend I'm happy to people any more, I can't do it.

shit.

I'm currently feel nothing yet my former self sinking back in. I know this perhaps is not a good thing but at least I feel no emotions. Emotions just hurt you and the people around you and I don't wish to get into any emotional messes again.

Even my mother has noticed the old me is coming back since she found me in the morning in bed with a guy. Seriously this shit is fucked.

Sex.Drugs.Alcohol.
Yes they numb me out but sometimes distant memories come back, making me wish I could back to them.

I want 14th October 2010 again please.

Fuck up.

So bloggers I haven't done this in a while, I've lost my touch so to speak and kind of isolated myself, but here I am again, attempting change within myself.

So where do I start..
Well my last blog was pretty depressive ( what a suprise) and I've began to realise that I really should stop thinking so stupidly. Like fuck I know Im a fuck up in things thats just who I am. Like seriously some people are born geniuses, some are born rich, I was born a fuck up, and you know what Im slightly proud of it I guess.

So yeah I still feel pretty low but being back home will hopefully return my former self. Bring back the girl who couldn't give a fuck, who would laugh at the pain inflicted apon her and just brush aside any feelings and emotions.

So first term of uni fucked up, but hey I can learn from my mistakes.
I think.

I have officially given up.

I had my doubts with staying here, but having him there made it bearable, but now I've lost him too, its time I move back to Wolverhampton.

I haven't cried this much or felt this low in ages. Yet again this year I'm losing something close to me. Its not fair. I've tried my best I really have, but how hard is it to give another person another chance.

Last night I tried to forget about things, but I just couldn't. Faking my smile just proved too much, resulting in me making matters worse. I just don't understand how someone can fall out of love so quickly and try to work something out.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stay here anymore.

Home please.

I think the title explains it all, finding it hard to smile each day I'm stuck here.

If you're shocked its just the fault of faulty manufacturing.

Morning bloggers, well afternoon technically.

I cannot stop listening to Jason Mraz's song 'Details in the Fabric', hence the blog title. It makes me think of erm things.

Note to myself, I really must attempt to get a decent nights sleep before 9am law lectures. Falling asleep whilst your tutor is trying to explain the contempt of law act and many others is not a very good. I think I may need a little elf sitting on my shoulder to pass these exams I tell you. Why can I not concentrate here in my little box room -_-

om nom nom pasta.
seriously this is all I eat.

Oh and I have realised again that I am the meaning of screw up. Seriously, I have a way of fucking up the most easiest of things. I really should just lock myself away for a while maybe. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve certain things that have happened to me, having the words' I love you' spoken to me. Am I really worth this?
Speaking the words back seem to just flow straight off my tongue, no regrets with saying it, but how long before I cock up things again. I nearly did this the weekend just gone, with me being a stupid little drunk.

Oh my, I must stop blogging, I really should concentrate more on my uni work.