Yesterday I broke down. I feel so weak, so sick and tired of keeping it all in, that I found comfort in speaking to my consultant. So breaking down during my hospital appointment yesterday was not what I planning to do on my monday, but alas it happened. I just sat there, and cried. I had not cried that much since the death of nan. So yes, she passed away in March, but why is now I find myself silently shedding tears still. My consultant got worried, claiming other things have got to me as well, questioning my family and social life. So yeah, I don't get along with my parents 24/7, so yeah my parents can't be in the same room without snide, sarcastic remarks back and forth from each other, but at least they exist I suppose. suppose. So why was it yesterday, when I reached an extremely low point, that my mother couldn't even reach out and hug me, couldn't bare to look at me,just left me there, leaving my best mate to pick up the pieces yet again, attempting to bring me back into neutral emotions. I had never felt so low, and now she choose to ignore me, yet if I do something 'wrong', she is soon to fault this out. Yesterday I felt so pointless and useless that all I wished to do was disappear from everyone. I had the urge to phone a certain person, since they use to put a smile on my face, but I knew this was impossible to do. Is it wrong for an 18 year old to need some reassurance on things, to want to be cuddled by her mother, wanting something to look forward to? I feel like giving up already.
Consultant recomended anti-depressents. I refuse to give up this easy, I just need to find a reason not to
No comments:
Post a Comment